ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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