And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
