i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
