Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
