see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Randomize
