Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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