I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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