my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
