when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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