Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
