are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
