Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hippo gnu deer
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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