i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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