They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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