but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
