just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
