I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
