My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i barfeds in our rink
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
do nipples grow back?
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