its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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