just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
