Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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