So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
4 words: hood of his car
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
