I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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