dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
