Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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