I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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