You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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