I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
