I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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