Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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