I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
