and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
