Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
