Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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