Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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