don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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