Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I touched a dick in church today
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
