I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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