It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
