Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
