There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
