I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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