You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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