he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
