The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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