I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
