Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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