that's an acceptable place to lick
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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