if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
