I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
