I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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