dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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