wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
