I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
