This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
