you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm at about main and main street
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
