Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
