Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
