yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Randomize
