MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize