My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
