She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
