I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
