The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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