Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize