While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
