i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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