So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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