Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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