Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I want her autograph on my taint
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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