I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
