We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
