you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
