you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
