You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
