bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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