So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
