I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
