My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
