we're blogging at a bar
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
sarcasm needs its own font
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
