nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
