Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
