my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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