omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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