I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
