I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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