I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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