ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
