The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
