bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
