from now on my penis is your penis
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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