He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
