Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
