Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize