As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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