McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
