I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Non-Jews are for practice
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
