just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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