first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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