quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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