the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize