you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
