I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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