i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
