tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
