Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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