Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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