the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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