oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize