We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So squirting runs in the family.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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