Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I came so hard my ears popped.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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